hushpiper: tell her that's young / and shuns to have her graces spied / that hadst thou sprung / in deserts where no men abide (Default)
(This entry is in response to both a Tumblr ask and a followup anonymous comment here.)

Asked by Anonymous

Did Eren really mean it when he said to Levi Armin is different than him because he has dreams and all he had was killing the titans and revenge? I think he either didn’t understand himself or i didn’t understand him right




You’re referring to this page?

Eren: But that was a dream we had as little kids. I’d forgotten it a long time ago… All I had left in my head was hate… getting revenge for my mom… and killing the titans… He’s different, though. Fighting isn’t all he has. He dreams, too!!

I do think Eren meant that, yeah.

From a story perspective, I think that page is less about Eren than it is about Levi. The whole stretch from late-Uprising through Return To Shiganshina could in some ways be characterized as “Levi Has Thoughts: The Arc”. People say things, and we see that Levi hears and is thinking about them, but he keeps the actual contents of his thoughts private. But while Levi is that sequence’s main purpose, it does also say a lot about Eren, and about how Eren sees himself and Armin. I don’t think Eren is in any way duplicitous when he’s saying this: he is desperate, and entirely earnest. This is what Eren truly thinks.

And the thing is, the rest of the story supports it.

Before shipping out to Shiganshina(c72), the trio discuss their future while Levi eavesdrops, and Mikasa asks whether they’ll be able to go back to the days when they were children. Eren’s answer is his typical combination of determination and anger, saying they’ll bring back what they can, and make them pay for the rest. It’s Armin who turns the gloomy tide of the conversation by telling them stories of the outside world, even calling Eren out for seeming doubtful–a moment so important that we see it twice, first in chapter 72, and then again in Levi’s flashback in 84.

On their way to Shiganshina, we get to see Eren recounting his memory of the first time Armin talked to him about going to the ocean, and how it affected him. The most striking thing there–other than how strong an effect Armin’s dream has had on Eren’s life–was that Eren never talked about it inspiring him to explore or see these things for himself; only about the realization that he had, when looking at Armin excited face just then, that he wasn’t free. He caught a glimpse something beautiful and reacted with anger.

In the battle at Shiganshina(c81) we even get a direct contrast: we see Eren in flashback saying “When I think about getting my freedom back, I feel strength welling up inside of me,” followed by Armin in the present thinking back on Eren’s words and saying “When I think about the outside world, I feel courage welling up inside of me.”–and then a beautiful repeat of Armin waking Eren up as he did in Trost.

We get sequence after sequence painting this same picture, of Armin filled with awe and optimism, and Eren able to find nothing but anger in response–and by the end of Uprising, Eren is aware of the pattern. I was talking to a friend about this, and she said she thought the whole thing was deeply sad: Eren knows that the kinds of feelings he saw in Armin exist. He isn’t blind to them. And he knows that he doesn’t have them.

Chapter 72, Eren: You looked like you were having an amazing dream. A dream I couldn't see.

Eren sees Armin’s dream as a beautiful thing that he’ll never be able to fully experience, and when it comes down to life and death–and it does come down to life and death, not only in Shiganshina but all the way back in Trost, when Eren pulls Armin from the titan’s mouth–we’re shown that this is what he sees in Armin that’s so important to him that he’d rather die than see it go out of the world: Armin has a dream, where Eren doesn’t. Armin opened his eyes.
hushpiper: (toy-soldiers)
Anonymous asked:

Hello. Do you think Gabi and Falco will become a part of Historias arc in these upcoming chapters?

I do.

I’ve got a post in my drafts, dated December 31st–chapter 100–about this exact topic (I definitely know how to spend my New Year’s Eve). I’ve fussed and fussed over it, because I wasn’t sure of the exact right way to word it, and I didn’t want to get it wrong. But in the chapters since then, Gabi and Falco made it onto the airship to Paradis, and are now loose on the island where Historia is waiting. Against all odds, the pieces for the scenario I was hoping for in the wake of chapter 100 just keep moving into position. So this is what I wrote–to myself–about Gabi at the time:

This girl spent every day of her life being told–directly and not–that she and the people she cares about are monsters. That they’re scum, that they shouldn’t exist, that they don’t deserve to exist.
But she never believed it. She looked at herself and her people and said, “No, we’re not monsters, we’re not dangerous, that isn’t true.”
“And I’ll prove it.”
She’s so determined. She’s going to fix it, she’s going to save all of them, she’s going to make it right. She’s so determined, and so heartbreakingly young. She doesn’t know yet that she can’t convince anyone. It doesn’t work that way. All the things she plans to do will only enable and empower the people who continue to exploit and abuse her, who have exploited and abused and ultimately broken her cousin before her. And because Gabi is strong, and Gabi is determined, she will continue to fight the wrong fight until it breaks her too.
And all the while, there will be more Eldian children born into this world just like her, but not as strong, and so when the people around those children tell them that they are monsters, that they deserve to die for the crime of having lived, they will believe it.

That part wasn’t hard to write; sobbing over the tragedies of these characters is the easiest thing in the world for me. What was hard to write–what I’m still not sure how to write–was the part that came next.

Because this was chapter 100, the chapter when we got Willy’s speech, when we see the depth of his self-hatred and the real face of the poison that has sickened the Eldians in Marley: “I… would choose to have never been born, if it were up to me. I’ve hated my blood, more than anyone else.” Words that sound so strangely similar to what we heard about Historia, of all people. Historia, who was never wanted, who should have never been born.

Read backwards, and Historia’s words to Eren in the cave, during the Uprising, sound like a response to Willy: “I can’t be a good girl… and I don’t want to be a god. But when I see someone crying, saying no one needs them… I want to tell them it’s not true. No matter who! No matter where! I’ll come to the rescue!!”

There’s an entire country of children being told, as she was, that they aren’t wanted–that they’re horrible people from birth and can only become accepted by allowing themselves to be used up and spat out, just as she was led to believe about herself. These are the people she wanted to help, “no matter who, no matter where.”

And now two of them are practically on her doorstep, newly angry and grieving and questioning, right at a time when she may be desperately needing a reminder of her purpose. Who did she take the throne for, if not for Gabi? Historia is the antidote to the poison that’s been fed to Falco and Gabi in Marley, and I just want them to make it to her to find it.

hushpiper: Why, what could she have done, being what she is? / Was there another Troy for her to burn? (burn)
Anonymous asked:

Thank you for answering my question about shifter lifespans! I loved what you had to say, and I had never thought about how gaining the shifter power might actually end up lengthening Armin’s life considering how fast the SC are dying . Also interesting how Zeke may be replacing Armin in Eren’s life. Do you think Eren and Armin will ever be at the same level of friendship as they were before the time skip, or do you think they’ll only grow further apart? (I’m trying to avoid spoilers)

Thank you anon! I’m glad you enjoyed it, cuz I enjoyed answering it. And I support you in your spoiler-avoiding endeavours! (Do blacklist “snk spoilers” though, since I occasionally reblog spoiler content with that tag.) So I’ll answer before reading the 106 leaks, and we’ll very quickly see how wrong I end up being. ;)

For anyone reading who didn’t see the previous post: I mentioned in the tags that Zeke may potentially be replacing Armin’s role in Eren’s life as the more level, strategic mind telling him where to direct his efforts and channel his energy. Eren seems at his best when he has somebody like that in his life, but with his apparent split from his friends, it seems Armin may no longer be that person.

It kills me to say this, because I have always been so emotionally invested in the EMA dynamic, but I don’t think Eren and Armin will ever get back to where they used to be in their relationship. Too much has changed.

One of the trends in the EMA relationships in general is that though they are close and though they love each other, basic misunderstandings abound. Each of them are very different people with very very different goals in life and understandings of the world. Eren and Armin in particular are opposites in a lot of ways. This starts to become clear in the return to Shiganshina, but is really driven home in the ocean scene: they’ve both been devoted to the dream of reaching the ocean, but their reasons have been completely different this whole time.

Armin is driven toward the ocean by a sense of curiosity and awe, traits that were probably encouraged in him by his parents. (After all, he got those banned books from somewhere.) The world, he learned early on, is enormous–far bigger than what’s inside the walls, where he’s bullied and disdained. It’s full of oceans and deserts and mountains that spew fire, strange and amazing things that he wants to see and understand. He looks toward the ocean with a sense of hope; he smiles when he talks about it, and you can see him light up.

Eren’s drive is very different. When he looked at those books, he didn’t feel curiosity or awe. He felt anger. Little bitty Eren, lying in bed, covers pulled up to his nose, stewing: beyond the walls there’s oceans and deserts and mountains that spew fire and he’s never gonna see them and it’s not fair. He should be free to go see them, everybody should be, but instead they’re penned up inside these walls with wolves snarling at the gates and nobody cares. Fuck that. He’s going to be free, he’s going to make it to the ocean, with Armin at his side, and fuck anybody who tries to stop them. He looks toward the ocean and feels righteous determination.

They’re two outcasts who found each other, and found a goal that inspired them both, and this carried them a long way. Armin never would’ve dared to make the push to get out to the ocean without Eren’s drive, and Eren would never have gotten anywhere without Armin’s guidance. But when they finally made it to the ocean, the fundamental differences in their viewpoints became impossible to ignore.

Any reconciliation that Eren and Armin have will have to come only after they realize their differences, and build new bridges and new bonds accordingly. They have to shift their relationship and reconnect as adults. It won’t be what they had as children, and it might always be bittersweet. But it might also be better, because they may come to understand each other in a way they never did before. I hope they get there–I hope they have time to get there. (And if they don’t, well, bury me in a pile of fix-it fic, friend.)

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hushpiper: tell her that's young / and shuns to have her graces spied / that hadst thou sprung / in deserts where no men abide (Default)
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